If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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