So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
