OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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