I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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