sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize