So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
