Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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