when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she peed on how many people?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Holy shit dude........stairs
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
