I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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