I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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