based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
