could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
