me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
