After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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