Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
