Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
