yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
