no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
