i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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