I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
