im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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