We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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