Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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