hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
