you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
