well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
