you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
