wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize