your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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