We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
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