I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
