It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize