so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
