i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
