So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
