Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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