i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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