he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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