Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
