I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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