dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
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