walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
