the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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