Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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