put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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