His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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