His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
