We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
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