Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
