new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
