Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
