the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
