seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
