Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize