Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
