Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
