I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
