It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize