im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
