I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
