Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
