Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
