hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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