cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
