just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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