I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
