Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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