I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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