I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
