nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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