i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
