I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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