Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh god it's open bar.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
