Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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