I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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