You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize