I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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