Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
