if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
