wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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