He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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