I could make wine with my vomit
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
