Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
