..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
