You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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