6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
