ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
