yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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